Most nights, Obama wrapped things up in the Oval Office by 6:30 to keep one of the most important appointments of his day.
For the president, the continuity of sitting down at the table with Michelle and daughters Sasha and Malia helped him keep life and his new job in perspective.
In the last year of the campaign, he was home a half a dozen days maybe. And it was such a sacrifice for him to be away. He missed them a lot. Coming here, I think [Barack and Michelle Obama] were going to try to return to as much stability as you could, given that he’s president.
You can have this crazy non-normal world that you operate in every day, but you’re able to keep some symbol of normalcy by having dinner. A very simple thing, but important.
Having that family dinner every night, having family vacations together, spending weekends together, early on people were critical of the president because they said he wasn't social enough, he wasn't out and about at all of the salon dinners here in Washington. And he said, “You know what? I'm prepared to take that hit because it’s important to me to be a dad and a spouse and to be home at night and have dinners.”
Most nights he has dinner with Michelle and the girls. That’s one of the things I admire about him. He’s so grounded in who he is that things around him don’t change him. His center is the same.
So, by 6:15, I'm looking up at the clock and going, “We better wrap it up here,” because she will not hold dinner. She doesn't want to make the children sit there and wait for him. And he respects that. And I think something as simple as that, to create this sense that the children are the most important thing in their life, even though he has the most powerful job in the world, is really important.
You get the phone call, "The first lady and the kids are in the dining room. Is the president on his way over?" And you’re like, well, not yet, but he’s just wrapping up a meeting with the legislators or he’s trying to get healthcare passed. So you’re always trying to balance it.
The day we passed healthcare, the girls said, “Daddy, how was your day?” I said, “Well, remember that piece of legislation I was working on to make sure everybody has healthcare? We finally got that passed.” And they said, “Well, that’s great, Daddy.” And then immediately, either Malia or Sasha said, “Did you see what happened on YouTube with the cat that was juggling a ball?” And the conversation immediately shifts.
[No] children should be interested in any of that. They want you to be interested in them and their life and who teases them on the playground and what class was hard. How did they do on their oral presentation in something; whatever families talk about… He is energized by being around them. And you can tell they have his undivided attention, and that’s what children deserve.
The fact that for most of my presidency, the girls were just too young to really care that much about what we were doing created a sense of perspective for me that eased the burden. It allowed me to occupy their world and remember the simple pleasures and drama and pain that kids go though and that people go through in their daily lives. Sometimes, that’s exactly what you need when you feel that all these decisions are impinging on you.
I think it says a lot about who he is because goodness knows, as president, we could've kept him down in the office until midnight every night. Instead, he would go home, have a few hours with them, and then return to his study where he would still be physically present and do his work as they’re doing their homework.
That was a constant for him, to spend the time and to figure out how the kids were doing and how his wife is doing and for him to be able to share what he was working on during the day. It’s one of those things that’s important to have, because it’s normalizing, right?
He is able to focus fully on the work that he has to do as leader of the free world. But when it’s dinner time, it’s time for him to walk down that portico and go up for dinner, and he’s able to focus. He’s able to ask the girls how things are going in school and check in with them and check in with Michelle, the first lady. And he’s always cognizant that both parts of his life need to remain strong.
The danger of politics generally is that you start equating your own self with how you’re doing politically on any given day. Are the polls up or down? Did you get this piece of legislation done or didn’t you? Michelle was the person who could always remind me that who you are as a dad, as a husband, as a person that is not contingent on any day-to-day or week-to-week successes in what is a tough job. Having that solid ground from which to work, I think, made me a better president not just a better husband and better father.
The first lady, her childhood was one that everybody would want. Parents who loved each other dearly, who loved her, who sacrificed in order for her to go to the best schools in the country. He didn't have that. So I think she has been a very grounding source for him. And her father was an important figure for him to get to know since he didn't have a father figure. He saw how her father interacted with Mrs. Robinson and with Michelle and I think that gave him a sense of what being a spouse and a father was all about. Thankfully, he decided to be very different than the father he had.
Michelle’s my rock. She’s been, most importantly, the person who I knew was always putting the girls first and they have turned out great, but they’ve turned out great primarily because of her. I think I’ve been a good dad, but I’ve been a good dad because she reminded me that I wanted to be a good dad and if I meant it then this was what was required.
It’s hard to be president. It’s hard to be married. It’s hard to be a father. I’ve never been any of those things, but I’m certain that trying to do well at all of them is an iron triangle that you probably can never get perfect.
Michelle [has] never allowed me to feel sorry for myself. She has said from the start, "You volunteered for this thing." And so No pity parties when you've had a tough day has been extraordinarily important. She's been hugely supportive, she's always had my back but she's also always insisted that if you are doing your best, if you feel like you're making the very best decisions you can, working as hard as you can, staying true to your values, then we're going to be okay.
The most important people in the president’s life are Michelle Obama and Malia and Sasha Obama and honestly it’s not even close. He has a strong awareness that they were there long before he got to the White House and they will be there long after he closes the doors to the building for the last time.
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